By now you have doubtless heard the major news story of the day, that being the senseless massacre of a valuable teddy bear collection in England.
The alleged perpetrator (who was caught in the act so I don’t know why I might need to use the word “alleged” but you can never have enough protection from a libel suit) is Barney, a six year old Doberman pinscher.
Barney had access to the collection because he was serving as its guard dog at the behest of the insurance company covering the display at a British park.
Whoever came up with that bright idea is now in the process of moving his worldly possessions back into his parents’ basement, no doubt.
Apparently, Barney first became annoyed at Mabel, a vintage bear that had once been owned by Elvis Presley. She had survived for almost 100 years since her creation, that is, until she met Barney.
Mabel’s prognosis is uncertain at the moment.
Once Barney was deprived of his first kill, he reportedly went on a “rampage”, injuring one hundred more bears.
Perhaps he had watched one too many episodes of Stephen Colbert’s ThreatDown.
You might wonder why such a valuable collection was not locked up behind glass cases – but why would they feel the need to do that, when they had a guard dog!
As for Barney, now that he has passed the audition, he will take up residence on the proverbial “farm”, where he is to “chase chickens”.
One hopes they do not taste like teddy bears.